Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Passing Time

Although I've gotten a lot of work done, the summer is beginning to feel remarkably lonely to me. When I'm not home, I'm out working - retail at Staples, where many of the customers are disagreeable or rude, or painting rooms for my neighbor in an office building. Both pay what will be a rather large bill - my room and board for Iowa State University for 2008-2009. But they don't seem to fit the other 'bill' - self satisfaction. Happiness.

 I thought perhaps it was just a winter rut, but the nearly constant stream of rain seems to be dragging me back down into the same old holes. Will they ever get filled in? There is only so much soft merino and bamboo needles can do.

While I have been occupied lately with a lot of knitting in what little spare time I have, the constant motion of hands and mind doesn't always fill the needs of the heart. Lately I've been pining for things that are out of my control - will I ever stop waiting for people to call me back? To answer when they're called? To answer at all? It seems that is the consistent cycle of my relationships, these days - we talk for awhile, then things seem to fade away. Did I suddenly become uninteresting? Unattractive? What did I say? One such never-relationship will come back to haunt me, I fear, this weekend, when I go to a friend's wedding. Said never-relationship was ended abruptly - no returned calls, though days before there had been discussion of future plans. Upon return home I was to find not only no answer, but that he was preoccupied with a new live-in girlfriend. How does this happen? Are people really always so inconsiderate? So this week I am torn between attending and avoiding, all for the sake of not finding out anything about her. Because that's the real issue. That I might end up liking her. Or that I might end up getting ignored all together.

So I keep on knitting. This time, something soft. Baby clothing is almost a comfort food of knitting, if I didn't find hats so appealing. Dana is having a baby girl this July, and I've decided to knit a tiny sweater for her arrival. It won't fit until winter, although the weather here has been far from hot. But the colors are summery enough, and they remind me of rainbow sorbet. I especially love the seed stitch. If stitches could be easily translated into food terms, I would say that seed stitch, for me, is the equivalent of a slice of warm apple pie with ice cream. It's always delicious, makes you feel better about yourself, and is remarkably simple and easy to enjoy. Here are some rarely-seen work in progress pictures for you. I've even taken the liberty of hiding the waste yarn.



Pattern: Child's Placket-Neck Pullover, from 'Last Minute Knitted Gifts', Joelle Hoverson
Yarn: 100purewool in Guiava colorway
Needles: Crystal Palace Bamboo, size 7 circulars

2 comments:

  1. Oh no! Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. People are crap sometimes aren't they? On a positive note, you have a lovely blog here which I'm sure will attract many a more genuine person. I'll certainly continue to read. :)

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  2. I miss you and love you cheer up love!! If I had the money/time I would be up there in a heartbeat!! We need to talk asap and let me know what's up! I love you. Love, Corinne

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